PROFILES IN PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF SOCIAL GRACES

Jackie Kennedy Onasis

If you have been watching the news lately,  there has been alot of backlash regarding a recorded interview with Jackie Kennedy Onasis  where she made some very unflattering statements about some high profile contemporaries in the 1960's. Those comments have made some re-evaluate how they feel about her; a woman that has been held in high regard for many years. While the recorded material cannot be disputed  as it reflected her sentiments at the time and perhaps they were some very unwise things to say given her position as the wife of the president; however, I would like to shift the focus to one thing she was known for;her wisdom in publicly dealing with people.

Jackie had a way of making people around her comfortable. Although well read and up to date on current events, if a someone at an event she was hosting or a guest of shared information on a book she may have already read from cover to cover, she would graciously smile, listen with interest as if she had never heard of the book and thank the person for the recommendation. When her husband was on the campaign trail, Jackie was able to remember the names of numerous mayors and convention delegates and at times recalled details about them that added a personal touch. She was able to address every member of her staff at the white house by their name upon meeting them for the first time. If Jackie disliked a person, the person would never know it in social settings. She would treat the people in her presence as if they were the most important people on the planet. They usually did not discover until much later her true sentiment which was expressed  by keeping a professional distance and even then she would not publicly criticize them.

When it came to clothing, Jackie was an icon of style and the muse of  many high end designers; however, when she went to work at a huge publishing house  as the editor, she kept her style simple  wearing tailored slacks and blouses. She wanted eliminate any sense of intimidation that her staff and co-workers would be sure to possibly encounter working in her presence; she wanted it to be known that she was ready to "roll up her sleeves" and get in the trenches with them if need be; and to meet deadlines she often times did. She instinctively understood that wearing couture to the office and putting on airs would do more to alienate people than bring them together.

Jackie knew that she had a huge following of people who loved and admired her. She and her family were often the recipients of numerous gifts starting from when she was the wife of the president . Some of the gifts were things that she or her family could not safely enjoy (one fan sent her family a cake and another  sent a "portrait " of the family made out of rice crispies) things that had to be destroyed by the secret service. The people never knew the fate of their gifts but Jackie always made sure that their thoughtfulness was appreciated by sending thank you notes. If  Jackie were still alive,in  a public setting, and  received a a bouquet of flowers  that she did not care for, you can best believe she would have graciously thanked the person for their thoughtfulness and disposed of them later without insulting the admirer.

Because of who she was, she often used her influence to assist others. Her son JFK Jr. approached her to assist a friend of his who was a young black woman trying to get an apartment in NewYork  but was met with opposition because of her race. Without batting an eye, Jackie wrote a letter on behalf of the young woman and she got the apartment. In another incident, she called on a friend of hers (a medical philanthropist) to help a sick boy who was the son of a manicurist she was acquainted with. After the boy received the much needed care, she sent her friend a thank you note of gratitude for her generosity. Jackie was wisely resourceful in soliciting assistance from friends to help others, but she always expressed profound gratitude at their generosity never taking them for granted.

Jackie was not perfect, she definitely had shortcomings (and plenty of them) and biogrpahers as well as some friends, foes and family have certainly attested to them in their tell all books, interviews and public statements. Despite these facts, one thing that cannot be disputed, that many other friends, family and foes alike have also admitted, Jackie understood the importance of treating people well, being gracious with those who prove to be a challenge, and fiercely loyal to those those who had earned her love and trust.

If you want the world to adore you, you must take a deep interest in other people. Jackie was full of wonder and enthusiasm- with her, you felt you were the most important person.
-Dr. Deepak Chopra

What exactly is ETIQUETTE ??

I have asked people over time what they think of when they hear the word etiquette and usually the thoughts of older wealthy women with little dogs, tea parties, country clubs, and seemingly snooty waiters who turn their noses up at you usually come to mind.  The truth is however that the meaning of the word has nothing to do with the images of wealth and class although it is identified with it. Though many stories  about the origin of etiquette exist,  one of my favorite stories  provides a good explanation for the essence of its meaning.

The story goes that  the gardeners of  King Louis XIV  were trying to do damage control in regards to the lawns and gardens during  the lavish parties that were held at Versailles.  They would post "etiques" (signs) that would instruct the guests to keep off the grass and don't walk on the flowers.  Well, people ignored the memo and the King finally had to tell people they could not go beyond the signs themselves. The word  etiques evolved into the word etiquette which means "a ticket" and served as an invitation  to court functions which provided instructions for correct behavior and ceremonial observations while they were guests of the King and Queen at court. Today the meaning of etiquette has again evolved to define polite behavior in society.

Regardless of  where the true history of etiquette originated, it's definition of  "ticket" beautifully defines the essence of the word. Proper conduct, proper behavior, politeness and kindness which are the heartbeat of etiquette can serve as a "ticket" that can open doors of opportunity when properly utilized. My mentor Maura Graber, founder of the R.S.V.P Institute of Etiquette has shared with me that on many occasions this special "ticket" has served her well in business and in her personal life; not only opening  doors for her, but it has opened doors for those who have learned from her expertise as well. I am not implying that etiquette is some sort of magic wand to make all the "bad" go away, but I am saying that when we take the time to treat ourselves and others well, it creates opportunities to build relationships or at the least it will serve as an inspiration for others to do better.

While only 5 lucky children got the "Golden Ticket" to Willie Wonka's chocolate factory. Everyone can use etiquette as the ticket to help create golden opportunities in your life and the lives of others.

Where are people's MANNERS????

Manner, Manners  O where have you gone??

The rudeness of people make you just want to pull your hair out doesn't it? I find it amazing what we are "treated" to by others on a daily basis; the intimate details of their date the night before via their cell phone conversation, an annoyed customers colorful language to accompany  their displeasure at an incorrect food order, loud gum chewing and a number of other socially unacceptable transgressions against humanity.

This constant assault of coarse, offensive and selfish behavior must end; civility and common decency must be restored.  While people may not always know where the forks and knives go at a formal place setting, they do know the  importance of manners, social graces and the painful absence of them from our world today. They are tired of being treated badly, they are tired of people behaving badly, bad behavior being rewarded and the embarrassing result of this moral decline is we have a generation  that fires people over the Internet,  ends relationships via text message and congressmen who twitter naked photos of their intimate parts to women younger than the invention of the cell phone; and sadly they do this at the expense of their wives and children's dignity.

 Television continues to broaden our "manners-deficient" landscape with plentiful images of reality television faux-lebrities who show up, throw up and beat each other up as fun and entertainment for the masses; where a sex tape is the ticket to the "A" list, and  distasteful public behavior gets you a book deal with appearences on the talk show circut.  Is this the legacy we are leaving the generation that will follow us? Will the circle  finally be complete when people go back to eating with their hands?

It's time for manners  and social graces to make a comeback.

WELCOME, WELCOME

WELCOME, WELCOME

With hands raised and a joyful heart, I  look forward to sharing with you from all the wonderful resources I have aquired in regards to the facinating world of etiquette.