Profiles in Manners



Chevalier de Saint-George

1745-1799

  He was skilled swordsman, dancer and a gifted musician and composer that had  regular "jam sessions" with Marie Antionette at her request. He gave Mozart a run for his money as well being affectionately called Le Mozart de Noir (the Black Mozart).Quite the gentleman,he was a regular guest at French Court and was known for his impeccable manners.

RETRO-spective: Social graces in courtship and romance.

 "If a gentleman approaches you with words of flattery, and profuse attentions, especially after a short aquaintence, extend no encouraging smile or word; for a flatterer can never be otherwise than an unprofitable companion. It is better by dignified composure, to appear not to notice, than, with smiles and blushes, to disclaim flattery; since these are considered as encouragements for further effusions of these "painted words"

-The Ladies Guide to Perfect Gentility

1856

The translation could not be any more clear! If a guy you barely know "comes on strong", he is up to no good, do not encourage him and ignore his  bull manure! This tidbit of information demonstrates that very little has changed in over 150 years in the relationships between men and women. Men in the 21st century are still trying to flatter women into compromising situations and sadly the "game" seems to have not lost it's power!!!

BUT ladies, you are not off the hook, consider this advice from Louis Martines book of etiquette, 1866:

"Never triffle with the affections of a man who loves you; nor admit of marked attentions from one whose affections you cannot return. Some young ladies pride themselves upon the conquests which they make....let this be far from you. If you see clearly that you have become the the object of especial regard to a gentleman, and do not wish to encourage his addresses, treat him honorably and humanely, as you hope to be used with generosity by the person who may engage your heart."

Again the message is clear, a woman is not to play games with the heart of a man who is interested in her but she is not interested in the man. She is to treat him with respect and be forthright with him considering how she would want to be treated by the man who captures her heart.

I wonder what the world would be like if men and women treated each other well in romantic situations, is it possible there would be fewer broken hearts in the world?