Thursday, October 13, 2011

Social Disgrace in social media- The death of modesty.

"Eccentricity must be avoided by those who desire to excel in the art of conversation. A Style that is extreme or odd from it's very conspicuousness call forth remarks. Neglected personal appearance has vitiating influence in conversation no less than in manners...Appropriateness of dress is of prime consideration."

From the book: Our Manners at home and Abroad (1888)


A colleague of mine posted on her blog an admonishment to women to stop posting racy photographs of themselves on their social media pages and on line dating websites. She tried to encourage women that they are more than their bodies and that the clothing they wore (or the lack thereof) was sending the wrong message. For the most part women were supportive of the message but there were a few that opposed her message stating that by pointing out this problem , she was shaming women and accusing them of being women with "loose morals" so to speak. I read the comments  and I can attest that this lady was not "shaming" anyone, they were shaming themselves with these photographs they voluntarily posted on their pages for all to see, but sadly the loud cries of being a killjoy drowned out the voices of reason.

The women also demonstrated an attitude of entitlement that they should be treated well no matter what they were wearing and it is simply untrue and sadly the 21st century has made us more visual than ever and alot more judgemental of what we see. I remember  as a young woman in high school seeing the press conference that 1984 Miss America Vanessa Williams had  to conduct and resign her title due to some nude photos that she posed for  shortly before she was crowned. Ms. Williams did not display an a defiant stance, she admitted to a lapse in judgement as a struggling college student, graciously relinquished the crown and set about to repair her damaged reputation and 27 years later she is a successful singer and actress. Although those photographs will be a permanent chapter in her life, she courageously refuses to let it define her. In her professional career, she also owns the choice and displays her talents in music and television projects that do not exploit her image.

I know there are some that  may use her example as proof that we don't have to let those images define us and we can rise above it, but my question is why present images of yourself that will create challenges down the road for you  unnecessarily? Ms. Williams by her own admission has stated that overcoming that scandal took alot of hard work and determination. I fear today that  if a young woman  today had to deal with that same situation Ms. Williams faced, there would be no blushing or embarrassment , she would stand by her decision and would not apologize. If she did feel embarrassment, there would be plenty of women's groups to suggest otherwise stating that she had the "right" and no one has the right to criticize her freedom of expression. As a reward, she would probably get a book deal, a reality show and be marketed as an "example" to young girls everywhere of positive body consciousness.  It seems that now days, that modesty has died and no one attended the funeral.

The aforementioned quote makes it very clear that what you wear on your body (or don't wear) can elevate or undermine what is spoken out of your mouth. I pray these young women (and men) understand  this before those images could come back to haunt them down the road and testify against them. For those of us who are a little older, we in our youth have made choices we are not proud of I am sure but in the 21st century  where the internet, photoshopping and other technological advances make it easier to form an opinion about someone based on the imaging presented, I believe it to be wise to admonish young children and adults that  things they view as harmless today can damage their image and/or reputation years from now and they may not have 27 years to get it  right.

Postscript:   I have read some blog comments from people who defend a woman's right to post sexualy racy photos of themselves (which they are free to do) on different social media sites like facebook as not a big deal, we should not shame a woman etc. but  this  company started about a year ago reviews peoples social media pages as part of the background check.  A woman may be smart with a degree, but just might lose that great job opportunity because of a shot she put on her page of her wearing just undergarments! Something to think about......


http://www.socialintel.com/home

From their info page:

Social Intelligence Corp solely generates reports based on employer pre-defined criteria, both positive and negative. Negative examples include racist remarks or activities, sexually explicit photos or videos, and illegal activity such as drug use. Positive examples include charitable or volunteer efforts, participation in industry blogs, and external recognition.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Did you know?

The real reason Jackie Kennedy wore gloves was to hide the fact she was a chronic nail biter! Her personal resoulution served as an inspiration for fashionable ladies 
for years to come and kept her nail biting habit from becoming a public display of bad manners!